85 days in the NICU 38 weeks gestation

I'm getting very anxious to go home. I miss my boys and husband. I'm so ready to go home, it's been a tough week and it's only Monday. Jackson needs to eat more orally before his feeding tube can be taken out. He doesn't like to nurse, so I've been giving him the bottle to help increase his % of feeds orally. Once he reaches 80% his tube will be taken out and then this will get us closer to going home. I keep telling myself, I've been here 85 days, what's 14 more days.

Jackson is a feisty little guy. He's always grunting and groaning. All the fortification that is added to his breast milk is hard on his stomach. I'm off to go to bed.

Merry Christmas

I need to catch up on all that has happened. Pictures will be coming soon. I left my camera with David at the hospital. I decided to come home today to get things in order from Christmas. Put the tree and decorations away and be back to Boise on Sunday. David suggested that I go home while he stays with Jackson until Saturday night. I think he was relieved to not have to take home three cranky sleep deprived children back home.

Jackson was taken off his caffeine on Monday. So far his heart rate hasn't been dropping. His crib mattress is flat now, before it was inclined to help with the reflux. He's being prepared to go home soon. He now weighs 6 lbs 11 oz, he's a big boy! His blood pressure is borderline high and his blood pressure medication dose has been increased. The renal level lab results are back today, still waiting to hear from the doctors. The nurse told me that the levels were in the higher range. Still learning to eat and then hopefully go home some time in 2010.

David came to Boise with the boys on Wednesday. I was feeling very discouraged earlier this week and wanting my family back together again. When I saw David pull up in his car with the boys, I grinned ear to ear, filling so happy to see them. They were all smiling and happy to see me as well. It was a great moment to hug them and welcome them to Boise to be with me.

We all stayed at the Ronald McDonald house (RMH) until Christmas Day. We had some late nights and no naps with the kids. James kept saying he wanted to go home. Bryan wouldn't let me out of his sight, he kept saying, "mommy stay."

The staff at the RMH house made Christmas for our family special and a memory we will never forget. Santa and Mrs. Clause came to hand out presents on Christmas Day. He was the real deal. He had a real white beard and the spirit of Santa. The kids were thrilled. We will always be eternally grateful for the support and service given to us from the staff at the RMH. It is definitely a great place to send donation to that are used for a great cause. Our family has been so blessed from the community support of Boise offered through the RMH. I was told that they go all out on Christmas Day for their guest and they definitely did. I felt relieved to know that I could just focus on being with Jackson at the hospital and not have to worry about preparing for Christmas Day. Our family has definitely been on the receiving end this Christmas and I have been deeply humbled by all the generosity that has been given to our family. Hopefully next year we can be the ones giving.

We had a very special elf left us a present on our door step on Saturday evening. Thank you for your generosity and for thinking of us. The kids will have so much fun using it! We have been so blessed this year. Merry Christmas!

2 Videos:

1) Taking a Bath
2) Eating

Waiting to go home!

I'm getting anxious to go home. I know we have a good 2 weeks to go, but I miss my family and I'm getting restless of the NICU. I wasn't going to go home until Jackson comes home, but I miss my kids so much that I'm going to come home on Thursday evening for the weekend, and David will go and spend time with Jackson. I was worried he wouldn't learn to nurse if I leave for the weekend, but he still has a long ways to go and I'm curious to see how many bottles he can take when David is with him. He still get's most of his feedings through the tube. Today he is going to be seen by the kidney specialist.

71 days in NICU- 36 weeks gestation 6 lbs 1oz-

Jackson growth chart has been impressive. His preemie clothes that I finally brought last week no longer fit him. Since were not having any more children, I'm going to donate them to the hospital. He's getting to be such a big boy! He's still having some high blood pressure. Since Saturday, Jackson has been doing so well. He hasn't been having any desats (oxygen levels drop) and his reflux seems to be getting less and less each day. Today he was fed 1/2 of his feedings in the tube after he nursed and then at nights he will be offered the bottle. Jackson has come a long ways, we are so blessed!

Today the doctor said it will be at least 2 more weeks before we go home. I can't wait, I miss my family so much.

Kidney Stones

My sweet little Jackson has several kidney stones. The results from his kidney x-ray showed that his kidneys were developed normally, but with kidney stones. Poor little guy. The doctors are going to consult with the kidney specialist from Portland who is coming on Wednesday. Jackson is still having high blood pressure and the known cause is still puzzling to the doctors.

He's doing well today. Learning to nurse and having very little dessats. Last night the nurse gave him 2 bottles and he finished all of it. What a trooper!

High Blood pressure and more tests

I went home yesterday for a quick trip to see my boys in Twin Falls. I miss them so much. I returned back to Boise today to avoid the snow storms that are coming this weekend. I plan on staying here until Jackson goes home. I need to be here to nurse him, he's still learning. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this emotionally, being away from my family for so long. David will hopefully bring them to see me on the weekends if the weather is good. James is having a hard time having me gone. He starts to cry when I tell him I'm leaving to go back. It brakes my heart, I sure miss them. I miss holding my little Bryan and singing to him at night. I have to keep reminding myself, this is only temporary and I will be home soon. I wanted to spend Christmas with my family, but it looks I will be here in Boise with Jackson.

Jackson has been having high blood pressure again. The systolic pressure is reading too high, as high as 114. They did an ecogram on his heart and the results were normal. They did an x-ray on his kidneys, and I will know the results tomorrow. The doctor consulted with a specialist from Portland to determine why Jackson is having high blood pressure. He ordered lab work for Renin Assey level and for Jackson to be on the medication Spironelactone (a diuretic). The doctors are trying to determine if there is something going on with his kidneys.

I know Jackson is going to be fine. He has received priesthood blessings that have given me much comfort. I know the Lord is watching over him and Jackson will grow up and live a normal life. I'm so thankful for him, he's such a sweetie. He is doing so much better today. I was actually able to hold him while his oxygen levels stayed normal. I need to post more pictures, I keep forgetting to bring my camera with me to the hospital.

5lbs 10 oz

Jackson is still having a hard day. He's had several Brady's (heart rate drops), and his O2 has been dropping. I've been very worried about him. The doctors are doing more tests to see what is going on. I hope and pray that he will do better soon.

Back on the cannula

Jackson has had a rough week since Sunday. He's been having high blood pressure and constant dessating. When I was holding him during his feedings he's grunting and groaning and having lots of refluxing. Poor little guy, he's been so restless and acting very uncomfortable. The doctors are trying to figure out what is going on. He had a chest x-ray done, some blood work and a urine test. So far clinically he's fine. I was told by one of the doctors that he may not being feeling so well because of the vaccinations he received on Sunday. His oxygen levels where dropping to low numbers and his heart rate was dropping, so he was put back on the cannula this morning.

I was also told today by one of the doctors that Jackson still had a long ways to go before he goes home and that he wouldn't be coming home for Christmas.

Jackson's brothers are excited for him to come home soon

Today Marks 60 Days in the NICU

David,

The doctor informed us today that Jackson will receive his third blood transfusion. His red blood cell count is low and he has been de-sating a lot the last couple of days. His lungs are mature so they will not put him back on oxygen. The doctor has also increased his caffeine dose due to his increase in body weight.

I will travel to Boise tomorrow morning and spend the weekend.

Heart and Eye Concerns

Marilyn:

I talked to the Doctor today and she informed me that the valve in Jackson's heart is slightly opened, which may be causing his heart murmur. The doctors will consult with a cardiologist and do another echo gram to determine what needs to be done. This may clear up on his own by 3 to 6 months, or he may need medication or surgery. Jackson is doing well clinically, so hopefully this will not become an issue.

Jackson had his eye exam today. He has ROP, zone 2 level 2. This means his risk has increased. We will continue to pray that his eyes and heart will develop normally. I feel like everything will be fine. He is in the Lords hands.

Jackson weighs 5 lbs 3 oz today!

I miss my boys and look forward to seeing them tomorrow evening.

Almost 5 pounds

Marilyn:

I'm back in Boise to see my sweetie! I was informed today that Jackson has a heart murmur. I was told by the NP that they are not concerned about it at this point, but they are going to keep an eye on it to determine what it's indicating. He'as almost 5 pounds, I'm sure he will be there by tomorrow. He's doing great so far! I hope and pray he will be home for Christmas.

Happy Thanksgiving- Off the Canula- 4 lbs 11oz

Marilyn:

When I was in Boise with Jackson on Monday and Tuesday he was consistently high satting. On Tuesday night after I left, he was taken off his cannula that provides oxygen. The nurse told us that she went to check on him that night and he had his cannula pulled down to his chin and was still high satting. When I called on Wednesday to see how he was doing I couldn't believe the news. What a miracle! I thought for sure Jackson would go home on oxygen, just as Bryan did. We are truly getting blessed with so many miracles from a loving Heavenly Father.

I started recreational breast feeding with Jackson on Tuesday. He did amazingly well. He seemed to know what he needed to do. He was rooting, very alert and looking up at me. The lactation nurse was brought to tears. It was a very tender moment. Jackson is so amazing! He still has a long ways to go with breastfeeding, but we will get there.

David and I decided to bring all the boys to Boise to have Thanksgiving together. They were very excited to sleep at the Ronald McDonald House. The boys didn't fall asleep until 10:30, (I was still at the hospital) and the next morning Brady woke everyone up at 6:30 a.m. Brady, James and Bryan were very excited when dad gave them the sugary cereal that mom's never buys for them. After I went to see the baby in the morning, I took the boys running with me on the green belt. Brady and James road their bikes and I pushed Bryan in the running stroller. It was fun being able to spent some quality time with them. I miss that so much.

Last night when I was holding Jackson (skin to skin) he was doing amazing things again. He was looking around, and being very alert. He kept moving his head back and forth while he was laying on my chest. He kept wanting to look up at me and he kept sucking on my skin. I kept thinking he is acting like a new born. He stayed awake looking up at me and twisting his head back and forth for almost an hour. I felt so much joy while I was holding him. I couldn't wait to get back to my room to tell David all about it. He was asleep when I got there, so I had to wake him up.

The Ronald McDonald Staff provided an excellent Thanksgiving dinner. It was fun to have my boys with me today. I'm so thankful for my family and for the great progress Jackson has done and for the daily miracles. I was very sad to see David and the boys leave to go back to Twin Falls tonight. I had a good cry. When James saw me crying he started crying also. My sweet little James has been having a tough time. I'm anxious to have this all behind me and not have to constantly be leaving my family.

Thank you all again for your continuous prayers, support and service to our family.

AMAZED!

Marilyn:

As I was holding Jackson last night and looking at how perfect he looked, I realized more of what a miracle he is to our family. His life was literally saved by Dr. Allen. Jackson would not be here if the Dr. didn't decide to go ahead and do surgery (to sew my cervix shut), when studies showed that the chances of it working were very small and not recommended at 20 weeks. I was told by one doctor that my body was trying to miscarriage because there could be something wrong with the baby. Another doctor told me we could miscarriage the baby and try again in a few years. When they did the ultra sound it indicated a incompetent cervix, which puzzled the doctors because this usually happens on the first pregnancy, not the 4th. Because my cervix was dilated at 1cm and I was at 20 weeks this was a risky surgery, and by following the research it would not be successful. I was told the sugery was risky because the doctor had to push the bag back up into my cervix and the chance of it braking were extremely high and then I would miscarriage.

I'm very grateful Doctor Allen went ahead and did the surgery. He told me he was optimistic and wanted to find a way to give this baby a chance. We were told that the bag may brake and then I would miscarriage, or if the surgery was successful, I could get an infection the first week and still go into labor and loose the baby. I was also told that I could still go into labor early, having the baby at 25 weeks with the potential to have many serious health problems.

I don't mean to tell this story again, but, it just really hit me today that it's truly a miracle that Jackson is here today because of doctor Allen's decision to find a way to give this baby a chance to live. When David gave me a blessing during this time, he said that the Lord would help the doctors know what to do. I know that the Lord's hand guided doctor Allen to help bring Jackson into this world. He is blessing us so much! Jackson is here today and doing so well! I hope David and I can raise him to love the Lord and serve Him. He's a special little guy!

4 lbs 1 oz - Off the C-pap- On the cannula -

Today is a great day for little Jackson. I feel very blessed that he is doing so well, he's been our little miracle. Thank you for all the prayers, I know they have been heard and Heavenly Father is blessing him so much. I feel like his ancestors up in heaven have been watching over him.

He had a bar placed on his mouth last week to prevent him from pulling out his two tubes that were in his mouth. I felt so bad for him, because he wasn't able to suck on his binky and he looked so pitiful.

He was getting a break from wearing the C-pap by wearing the cannula twice a day when he was being held. The doctor instructed that he be put on the cannula all day today to see how well he would tolerate it. Then, his tubes where removed from his mouth and the feeding tube was placed in his nose. It is great news to have him off the C-pap. This will allow him to start oral feedings soon.



He will remain off the C-pap as long as he keeps his oxygen levels up. Sometimes when preemies are taken off the C-pap and if they are not ready, they will get tired from working so hard to keep their oxygen up and this will lead to having more desats and then they start loosing weight. I will pray that his lungs will be mature enough to stay on the cannula.

As I was holding him today, he did so well! He was at room air almost the whole time. I was so proud of him, he's such a strong little guy.

He had his eye exam today and the results are that his ROP is in zone 2 stage 1. I think this is good, I will need more information.

I'm home tonight to be with my 3 boys and David is heading to Boise tomorrow to spend the day with Jackson.

I was able to have dinner yesterday with Heidi Stephenson who had a preemie also born at 25 weeks. I feel privilege to be know this special person who went through so much and has been so generous and supportive to our family. Thank you!

First time mom went for a run

Marilyn:

I know this isn't about Jackson, but I just had to share my great joy I felt today when I went running again for the first time since 6 months ago. I love to run and I felt like it was time and I did a slow 2 miles. I had a smile on my face the whole time running and it felt so great! I'm ready for more. Instead of shopping while I'm waiting for the next cares with Jackson, I will be running! I know my dedicated running partner Joanna has been patiently waiting for me to start running again. I'm back and looking forward to taking Jackson when he's home and bigger in the running stroller.

41 days in the NICI

Marilyn:

Jackson had bile coming out of his venting tube that is in his stomach. The doctor ordered an x-ray to see why this was happening and if his feeding tube was in the right place. The results were that he just needed to have a good bowel movement. The nurse gave him an enema and this took care of the problem. They did a second x-ray and his stomach looked much better. Poor little Jackson, he really doesn't like his two tubes in his mouth, he is constantly pulling on them. What a trooper!

Moved to a crib

Jackson is now in a cute little white crib. He will remain in it as long as he maintains his body temperature. I forgot my camera to take a picture of how cute he looks in his crib. Because he is in a crib now, he wears outfits. Progress, progress!!

He's having a lot of desaturations from refluxing. To help reduce this, he is on Zantac, elevated in his crib, his feeding tube is in the small intestine, he has another tube in his stomach to help remove the air, and he is being fed continuously through the day (up to 33 cc every 3 hours).

I held him tonight while he was on the cannula for an hour, he didn't tolerate it very well.

Jackson's first eye exam

Marilyn:

Today Jackson received his first eye exam to check for retinopathy of prematurity (ROP). The blood vessels that supply the retina are one of the last structures of the eye to mature; they are barely completed growing when a full-term baby is born. A premature infant's retina is not yet completely developed. The blood vessels in the immature part of the retina may develop abnormally in some premature infants. The test results indicated that Jackson does have ROP, but it is not severe enough to require treatment, he will be closely monitored for changes and receive another eye exam in one week and more to follow. ROP can lead to nearsightedness, lazy eye, or wandering eyes, and most severe case blindness.

I feel like Jackson will be fine, that his abnormal blood vessels will heal themselves. He only had a level one for ROP. This could change, but he is in the Lord's hands and I will except what may come.

Jackson weighed 3 lbs 8 ounces today.

I arrived in Boise on Monday and I left for Twin Falls Tuesday afternoon. I was going to stay longer on Tuesday to hold Jackson one more time, but he was worn out from the eye exam and the nurse thought he needed a break. I didn't watch the exam, many nurses warned me that this would not be a good thing for a mom to watch. He's my little sweetie and I look forward to seeing him again on Wednesday evening.

Holding my little sweetie!

Marilyn:

David and I went to Boise on Friday to see Jackson. I couldn't believe how much he had changed since I saw him 8 days ago. He looked so big and so adorable. He's so bright eyed when the nurses are doing his cares. It was so nice being able to hold him on Saturday. I'm feeling much better, just being cautious by wearing the mask.

David:

Jackson now weighs 3 lbs 5 ounces. He is eating 29 ml of feed along with the calorie and protein enhancers. I was able to hold him twice yesterday and Marilyn held him today. He is doing great. He is now able to use the cannula breathing device when we hold him. He will have his eyes screened this week to check for retinopathy issues. They started Zantac today to decrease issues with acid reflux he has while he is fed.

The First Month Video Slideshow

Blood Transfusion

Marilyn:
Today Jackson is getting a blood transfusion to help him get more red blood cells and to help him get off the Cpap sooner. He has been having a lot of desaterations in his oxygen levels. He's up to 28cc for his feedings and handling them well.

I'm feeling much better today. My dad and brother Blaine came over last night and gave me a priesthood blessing. I haven't been that sick for a long time, I'm glad to be on the mends.

Davids mom has been wonderful helping me all week as I was trying to recover from being sick. She took the boys to Shelly Idaho today to visit their cousins at aunt Becky's house for the weekend. It's kind of lonely being home in an empty house. David will be home tonight from his work trip and we are going to go to Boise together for the first time since Jackson was born. It will be nice to be able to spend time together this weekend.

I can't wait to see my little Jackson on Saturday. I has been over a week and I'm sure he will look bigger. I will definitely be wearing a mask for the next few days. I've missed him so much.

Home sick in Twin Falls

I'm home in Twin Falls sick with the flu. I haven't been able to see Jackson since Thursday. Poor little guy hasn't been held since Saturday. David is gone all this week at meetings in Philadelphia. The doctor called in some Tamaflu, hopefully that will help, I've been feeling pretty miserable. I sure miss my little Jackson, he now weighs 3 lbs 1 oz. I hope he knows his mommy still loves him and remembers me. I have David's mom here helping me, so hopefully I will take lots of naps.

Home in Twin Falls

Marilyn:

I'm home again in Twin Falls. I was able to attend Brady's Halloween Party at school. James came with me and Bryan stayed home with uncle Blaine to take a nap. I love to be home with my boys, it can get a little overwhelming at times. I must keep reminding myself to enjoy them while I'm home with them and not worry about the housework.

David is in Boise with Jackson until Saturday.

The Doctor called today to inform me that the medication to help open the airway in his lungs caused his heart rate to get too high. They started him on a different medication that shouldn't elevate his heart rate as much. He is up to 25cc for his feedings, including the supplements added.

I'm off to go do some cleaning (the kids are sound asleep).

Patient Care Conference

Marilyn:

On Tuesday we had a patients care conference with Dr. Scott Synder to discuss Jackson's conditions and what to expect. Some of the information was scary. He will have some obstacles to overcome for being born at 25 weeks. With regarding the brain he is not out of the woods yet. In a week Jackson will get another head scan to check for PVL (perventricular leukomalacial ). This is basically where hollow spaces form when brain tissue around the ventricles softens and dies away, forming a cyst on the brain and nonfunctional brain tissue. If this occurs, it will affect his gross motor skills that could lead to cerebral palsy or some limited functions of the arms or legs. There has been no indication of this forming, but the doctor said he's at a higher risk for this because he was born with an infection. I almost wish I didn't know about this until he did have this problem. The doctors want to inform us of all things and they may not even occur, but we need to be aware of what could happen so we can be prepared. I believe everything is in the Lords hands. I hope it is not in His plan for Jackson to have a disability. But I will trust in Him and have faith and I know anything is possible with our Heavenly Fathers help. I believe in miracles and I will continue to pray for more. I know he's a special little spirit with a great purpose in this life.

Other concerns Jackson may have to face is hearing loss. They will check his hearing before he leaves the hospital and at 4 to 6 months. He may be at risk because of being on certain antibiotics.

Jackson is also at risk for Retinopathy of prematurity. This can lead to blindness and other vision problems. Blindness is rare and the ophthalmologist will do eye checks to determine if there are any problems developing. Being on oxygen for so long can lead to eye problems and laser surgery can be done to correct some issues.

His heart is doing well and there should not be any future problems

His lungs need to mature and develop. On Wednesday Jackson was put on a medication to help open the lungs more, to help prevent his oxygen levels from going down.

Overall he is doing well. I love to hold him, he's such a snuggle bug. Thank you again for all your prayers and all the many acts of services. We feel truly blessed as we go down this journey.

Marilyn:

I came back to Boise on Monday to be with Jackson. Yesterday I was informed that I can hold him twice a day now, while wearing a cannula instead of the Cpap. Jackson had quite a few desaturation spells yesterday where he's holding his breath. His stomach has been full of air. He was given a diuretic to help with his stomach. Last night I held him for almost 3 hours and he did great!

Jackson now weighs 2 lbs 10oz.

This morning I held Jackson for only about an hour because of his oxygen levels kept going down. He's a little sweetie, he's been opening up his eyes more to look around. The nurses tell me he looks like a clone of his brothers. He has the same hair line as the rest of the Tarkalson boys.

Today I will be attending a conference with some of the doctors and others who are caring for Jackson to inform me on Jackson care and to answer any of my questions. I have been very pleased with the staff at St. Luke's Hospital, everyone has been so nice.

I miss my boys at home. I will be leaving tomorrow evening to be home for the Halloween parties. Brady's is on Thursday and James is on Friday. They are excited to be vampires. They have been watching too many Scooby Doo movies. Then David will come to Boise on Thursday after we get our H1N1 shots (I'm a little nervous about getting, I'm hoping it is the preservative free one). David will stay through Saturday and then he'll fly to Pittsburg for a week of meetings.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. The Lord has been blessing us with miracles everyday. Jackson has such a strong spirit and I'm thankful he was sent to our family.

David:

Doctor Snynder called today with an update on Jackson. Jackson will start receiving a protein supplement three times a day. Recent research has shown that preemies who receive the protein supplement have more consistent early growth which results in less negative issues with brain development. They usually do not give the supplement this early in a preemies life but since Jackson is at a full feed volume they want to see how he will handle it.

The doctors have adjusted Jackson's CPAP to increase the air pressure due to increased desaturation issues. Jackson has started receiving a vitamin D and iron supplement because he is anemic. He will receive this daily until he is 9 months old.

Dr. Snyder informed us that Jackson would likely be in the NICU at least another 9 weeks. At a gestational age of 36 weeks Jackson will receive a PVL test to see if cysts and/or non-functional brain tissue develop on his brain (these are possibilities for babies born as early as Jackson).

Dr. Snyder also said Jackson is doing exceptionally well for a baby born as early as he was.

David:

Jackson had a cannula on him for the first time today. He wore it while I held him from 10AM to 12PM. His blood oxygen content remained in the 90's the whole time. The doctors said he could be on it twice a day to see if he will tolerate it for a few days. The nurse informed me that he is ready to be moved out of the omnibed to an isolet but since they do not need the omnibed right now they were just going to keep him in it. I asked what the criteria were for determining when a baby is ready to change beds, the nurse said it was based on the babies stability.

David:

Jackson now weighs 2 lbs 8 oz., up 4 oz from his birth weight. He receives a full feeding of 21 ml of milk with a calorie enhancer added via a feeding tube every hrs to give him a total of 24 calories per feeding. This feeding volume and calorie level is considered the amount he needs and thus his PICC line, through which delivered nutrition directly into his blood, was removed earlier this week. Jackson previously had a grade 1 brain bleed on both sides of the brain; the brain scan yesterday showed improvement. The doctors informed me that 95% of brain bleeds occur during the first week after birth. They plan to do another in 2 weeks to follow up. The doctors are not concerned about his fluid in the lungs since other signs of his respiratory system are good. They will start testing him on a cannula breathing system starting today while he is being held. The overall report from the doctor is good and they were very encouraged by his progress and condition.

Marilyn:

Today Jackson has been having a lot of desaterations. It was scary watching the numbers on the machine go down to the 50's, when the machine starts going off if it goes under 85. He has a new room, but now whole set of new nurses working on him. It can get frustrating being at the mercy of the nurses. They have been great so far, it's just hard getting use to new ones and a new schedule.

David's sisters Megan, Becky and sister in law Ashley are coming down tonight to hang out with me. It will be nice to have some company. It is very thoughtful of them to take the time to come and be with me during this hard time.

He's a sweet little boy and I look forward to bring him home.

Marilyn:

Today Jackson is at 22 cc of breast milk. He lost an ounce, he now weighs 2 lbs 4 oz, his birth weight. Last night, I helped give him a quick bath, where I wipe him in his bed with a warm soapy rag. He didn't seem to mind it too much. He gets a little feisty at times when he's getting poked and prodded every three hours. The nurse today said that he managed to pull out his feeding tube 3 times today from his mouth.

I finally reached David's high standard of holding Jackson for 3 hours today. He tolerated it well, just a little twitchy from his immature nervous system.

I will be going home tonight after I meet the night staff. I'm excited to see my other boys, but I feel bad that Jackson will not be held or seen by us on Wednesdays. When I start feeling my energy levels go up, I will go and hold him early Wednesday morning and then head home.

I feel so blessed to have four boys. I feel Heavenly Fathers love for us everyday. He has blessed us with many angels who are taking care of Brady, James, and Bryan. I'm so thankful for his plan that families can be together forever. I started listening to the conference talks that David downloaded on my Ipod while I pump every three hours. The messages have given me much needed strength. When I feel like I can't do it any more, Heavenly Father gives me the strength I need to keep moving forward, mostly through others encouraging and giving me support.

Marilyn:

I arrived in Boise today. Jackson's pick line has been taken out. He is on full feeds, 20 cc and an extra 2 calorie enhancer. He seems to be handling his feedings well. The nurse says his stomach has a lot of air in it from the Cpap machine. His O2 are still high, but his red blood cell count seems to be fine. They are not sure why he's needing more O2. His chest x-ray shows fluid in his lungs and it may be from the heart valve having a small leak in it.

I'm looking forward to holding him at 3:00.

David:

Update 8PM:

The second chest x-ray has not yet been examined by the Radiologist. That report should occur by morning. Jackson is currently on his lowest O2 level of the day (31%) using the CPAP. He is currently eating 16 ml of milk per feeding and seems to be tolerating his food well. The doctor has said that if he keeps doing well with his milk digestion he could have his PICC removed in 4 days and will be receiving all his calories through feed. A PICC is similar in purpose to an IV; it is inserted in a peripheral vein (the basilic vein below the elbow was used for Jackson) and then threaded through increasingly larger veins to the heart until the tip rests in the distal superior vena cava or cavoatrial junction. A PICC can be in place for a long period of time and serves as a port for medication and nutrition insertion into the body.

Marilyn leaves tomorrow morning for Boise. She is felling well enough to drive by herself.

David:

Jackson is doing well overall. The doctors have increased in 02 concentration. They are not sure why he is needing more; his tests have come back not showing an infection. A chest x-ray showed that his lungs are a little "wet" but do not show a full blown infection. A second x-ray was ordered to double check. Ryan Stephenson, an fellow Salmonite came to the hospital bearing a nice care package from him and his wife. Ryan and his wife had twins at 25 weeks and spent over 130 days in the NICU unit. Ryan assisted me give Jackson a priesthood blessing. We truly appreciate there gesture of support along with everyone else who has served us.

Marilyn: (report from David)

David went to Boise today (Friday), and he reported to me that Jackson is doing well. He is up to
12cc for his feeding, tolerated my milk well. David held him tonight for 3 hours and Jackson loved it. I told David I couldn't believe he could hold him for that long without having to go to the bathroom and that Jackson could handle it so well. David said, "it just means he will like me more when he comes home."

Again, I'm in awe at how blessed we are. Jackson is doing well so far and I'm just amazed at all the wonderful people who have helped us. My mother law stayed with me longer to help me get through my struggles and she has been such great help. She is vacuuming my house right now and it is almost 11:oo pm.

David's mom and I arrived in Boise yesterday around 5:00 p.m. I felt like I didn't want to come because I was leaving my other three boys. But, once I saw my little Jackson, I was glad that I came. The cardiologist came on Wednesday to look at Jackson. He said that he was doing well and that he wanted to have him weaned off his blood pressure medicine because it was going down.

Today a nurse came up to me and asked me if I wanted a special packet sent to mom's with micro preemies. It didn't hit me until she said that, that I actually have a micro preemie. It sounds so scary.

I'm feeling very tired today and looking forward to coming how again tomorrow to see Brady, James and Bryan. David will head to Boise when I get home. Soon it will feel like I don't have a husband any more, when I'm coming home, he'll be heading out.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying for our little Jackson and for all of you who have been taking care of my boys. I couldn't do this without all of you. I can feel calm, knowing that my boys are safe.

It was nice to be home Thursday through part of Sunday. I hated leaving my boys, especially my little Bryan ("Bry, Bry"). He kept crying and saying he wanted to go and of course I was crying too. I can't even write about this without bringing the tears on.

We arrived Sunday after 5 to see our little Jackson. We were told he was doing well, still having high blood pressure, but being strong. He is down to 1 lbs 14 oz. The doctors said it is normal for them to loose 10% of their birth weight after the first week.

We got to hear him cry for the first time on Sunday, it was very pitiful. The nurse said he is a feisty little guy.

They started feeding him my breast milk on Sunday night and is tolerating it very well.

One of the nurses kept encouraging us to hold him. David and I felt very nervous about holding him until we talked to the doctor to make sure it would not cause any problems with his brain, causing bleeding. On Monday the doctor told us it would be good to hold Jackson and that his brain scan results showed no bleeding on one side and only a level one bleeding on the other side.

I got the courage to hold him, they even had me get him out of his incubator, which scared me to death. I was surprised that we could hold him when he is so small. He did great, he seemed to enjoy it and handled it very well. Bryan didn't handle his first holding, he kept desatting. My hand went numb as I was holding him and David stayed by my side to make sure I didn't fall asleep, for fear of not supporting his head.

A heart specialist is coming from Portland on Wednesday to consult with the doctors about his high BP. Jackson started a new medication on Monday that seems to be helping to reduce his BP.

David held Jackson for the first time today. He looked so natural doing it. He is a great dad, and he just loves his little Jackson. I will say he looks like an old man, and David will say, "no he is beautiful."

I got home today around 3:00 pm and I felt like it was Christmas today, because I couldn't wait to see my kids. I'm struggling with going back tomorrow. David's mom will be coming with me, I'm excited to spend time with her, she is a very special lady.

Thanks for all your prayers and support! The Lord is blessing us so much. I know things will work out. It will be a great celebration when he comes home.

Marilyn:

Jackson was born on Sunday October 4th at 2:00 p.m, weighing 2 lbs 3 oz. Right as the last session of conference was starting.

At 20 weeks to prevent me from losing the baby, Dr. Allen did surgery to sow my cervix shut. I was then put on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy. I was only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom. My friend Joann Davis and many others put together a schedule to provide someone to always be at my house while David was at work. I felt so blessed with all the ones who helped my family while I was on bedrest. The house was always kept clean, the laundry was done, the kids were entertained and meals were prepared. I thank Heavenly Father every night for the ones who have helped our family.

On Wednesday I called the doctor with some concerns. They had me come in that day to do an ultra sound. Everything looked normal and I was sent home for my bedrest. Then that night I had contractions for 3 hours. I didn't go to the doctors because they stopped and I assumed they were Braxton Hicks. Then Thursday night October 1st at midnight again, I had contractions. But this time I knew they were serious and after 2 hours we headed to the hospital.

I was given medication to stop the contractions. The medicine was the worst thing I had every experienced. It was hard to breath, I felt like I was having a heart attack and it made me very nauseated. Around 10:00 a.m. on Friday they finally stopped. They wanted to monitor me for a few days to make sure I didn't go into labor again. My water never broke and my cervix was still shut. The doctors decided to hold off sending me to Boise where if I did have a 25 weeker, they could handle the care of the baby. I was given two shots of steroids to help the babies lungs in case I went into labor. I was given Demerol for the pain and I was very greatful for it. It is my favorite drug when in labor.

Then early Sunday morning I started bleeding again and having contractions. I was given more drugs to stop the contractions. My body did not handle the drugs too well, I was vomiting and having trouble breathing. I was put on oxygen and sent to Boise on a plane.

As I was being carried onto the stretcher to the ambulance, I saw that it was snowing. I was flown on a plane to the Boise airport. Heavenly Father was blessing me so much during the flight. I felt very calm and His arms surrounding with His love. I kept thinking, "wow how can I be so calm right now." I was in completely amazed and thankful for how well the medical team transported me. They were so kind to me and did a great job.

When I arrived at the hospital again I was given drugs again to stop the contractions. My blood pressure was getting seriously low. The doctor decided to test my amniotic fluid for an infection. Sure enough, I had 2 infections in my fluid. I was then prepped for a c-section. The doctor told me the baby was very sick and that there was a chance that he may not live. With a prayer in my heart I still continued to fill comforted by my Heavenly Father.

After they gave me the spinal, the doctor started cutting. I started screaming that I could feel it. It was a very scary feeling. They had to wait an extra 10 minutes before they could do the surgery. I've had 2 c-sections before and this was the only one that I felt so aware of what was going on. It was a long surgery, they doctor said because the baby was so small, it would be difficult to get him out and that they may have to cut both directions. But thankfully they didn't have to.

After they pulled the baby out, I could feel him leave me and I felt very sad. David was there with me to tell me that he was born right at 2:00 p.m.

After the surgery the doctor kept saying that I might have internal bleeding and that they may have to cut me open again. My body wasn't doing well. My blood pressure was extremely low, my oxygen wasn't good and other symptoms were occuring that had the doctors concerned. I prayed and prayed that my body would recover and that I would not have to go under the knive again.

Finally I was sent back to my room after 3 hours. I was monitored very closely that night. They did my vitals every 45 minutes. I was in bad shape, with low BP and low oxygen and a stomach full of gas. I was put on oxygen and antibiotics for the infections.

I was blessed to have such wonderful nurses and an intern that checked on me constantly telling me she was worried about me.

My mind is still blurry with everything that happened in the hospital. My mom came on Tuesday and stayed with me until I was released on Thursday October 9th. It was fun having her there with me. She was a great help!

On Wednesday the doctor came to see me and recommened that I have a blood transfusion. I was so pale and week and they thought I could benefit from one. My count was at a 22 and the normal is 32. I told them I wanted to wait until the next day to make that decision.

But by Thursday I felt a little better and the doctor thought I would do fine without one.

It was very hard to go and see Jackson for the first time. I would much rather trade him places, be on bed rest and not have him be going through all this and having pain. It just broke my heart to see how little he was. But I knew that he was a special spirit that needed to come to this earth, even under such hard circumstances. I knew Heavenly Father and His angels were watching over him and protecting him. I feel blessed to be able to be his mom. It will be a long road, but we will get through it because we have so much support from our ward, family and friends. My faith will continue to be tested and my testimony in God will be strengthened.

I was so excited to come home and see my boys. I tried hard not to look back at the hospital as we left the parking lot. Of course I did and felt very sad to leave him there all by himself.

When I came to the front door of my house, Brady opened the door and gave me an immediate hug. James and Bryan followed behind and gave me a gentle hug. I was so happy to see them. Brady wanted to read me books, he pulled out all his school books and read to me like crazy. James was chattering non stop about all the things he had been doing and about who he was playing with while I was gone. Bryan kept saying, "baby at the hospital."

Bryan has been staying right by my side nonstop since I have been home. He constantly comes up and give me hugs. He's such a sweetie. It's hard to imagine that he was born at 29 weeks and we went through the same thing, except he was in the Twin Falls NICU.

I realized even more how important our families are. That I just need to let the little things go and throw out the schedule at times and just sit and enjoy my children without thinking about the next task of the day. I've been enjoying listening to Brady and James chatter to me about everything that is on their minds.

I have a great husband who is my rock. He was so calm in the hospital and gave me much strength to endure all this.

I'm leaving tomorrow for Boise, I'm excited but torn to leave my three little boys. I will miss them so much. Thanks again to all of you for your prayers, support and service. Wish me luck!

David:

Marilyn has been home two days to recover from her surgery. She is doing better but will need someone to help her get around until she can drive again. We will go Boise tomorrow after church. I will stay with her until Tuesday. My mother will be with her from Wednesday to Friday.

We miss Jackson and look forward to seeing him again. The reports from the doctors have been good. He has had two brain ultra sounds and he has a Grade 1 brain bleed rating, which does not have the doctors too concerned at this point. They will give him another one tomorrow. His blood pressure has been high and this is not ideal for the fragile capillaries in the brain. The doctors suspect that the high blood pressure may be due to kidney immaturity and/or the hydro cortisone given to Jackson to raise his blood pressure just after birth. They think his blood pressure will come down over time as the kidneys mature and the hydro cortisone is metabolized and leaves his system. He is on the CPAP breathing machine at 21% O2 and is tolerating it well.

We have been doing lots of fasting and praying for Jackson. I know that Heavenly Father is blessing Jackson and us in many ways.

Baby Jackson

He's Here!